Saturday, January 26, 2019


Obviously not her, me I mean. But let me rewind to last week for just a second, so I can vent.

Emily had croup. Until like, yesterday.

You don't need to know what it is, just know that if your kid gets it, they will not sleep for a week and be so miserable, they'll take it out on you to the point of abuse. Emily must have picked it up at her last gym class, because she was totally fine one day, then when I took her into the Dr. the next morning (for some tummy troubles) (since all she eats are fruit snacks, probably) she had this super "barky" cough and within 24 hours was taken dowwwwwn.

It was bad. She couldn't sleep, couldn't breath, ONLY wanted me to hold her...

And John was out of town.

So for a week, she slept (kicked me) in our bed. We didn't leave the house. Watched hours + hours of Sesame Street. It was rough. I even kept her away from our only friends for fear of getting them sick too, so I was starting to get a little (a lot) stir crazy, and sleep-deprived...and hey -  wait. This sounds a lot like life with a newborn, no?


Ugh. Anyways - this post isn't about Emily living 'the life' in her king sized pillow. (Aka our bed.) It's about all the third trimester things I'm doing to relaaaaaxxx, and enjoy this time. Because I AM COMMITTED TO ENJOYING THIS TIME. Maybe later I'll talk more about how terrified I am, because OH. I am. But for now, these are the days.


Since nothing fits, and I'm tired of rotating (and washing) the same leggings over and over again and because I'm mostly at home anyways watching approx 6 hours of Elmo each day - I've decided that I'm only wearing loungewear from now on. Specificially my robe and this pair of pajamas that I picked up recently on clearance at Target. The most frustrating thing at this point is trying to dress normal. It's just not possible. Not to mention - EVERYTHING IS UNCOMFORTABLE. Will there be a time later in life when I wear jeans again? Of course. I hope. But it's not now. NOW is the time to live in bathrobes and matching pajama sets.

I feel 75, and I love it. *Except for the back pain, which relates next.


I wouldn’t have even considered getting a massage or any kind special treatment when I was pregnant with Emily, but it's a totally different story this time. When people say that every pregnancy is different I think what they mean is that the first is a breeeeze because you don't have to carry around anyone else's body weight on top of your own growing body weight and you get to sleeeeep and lay on the couch as much you want and take as many quiet, solo baths as you want to. (UGH. I miss those baths when I was preg with Emily. everysinglenight.)

And I am not kidding. That child won't even let me sit down on the couch most of the time. If I do, she screams. (Which is also why I watch so much Elmo, just so we can And so after the week I had with her when she was sick, carrying her around for days - I WAS DEAD. So John actually called to schedule me the massage and everything, and I didn't argue.


I texted John afterwards that either I'm just really pregnant, or it was the best massage I've ever had. I can't even put into words how good it felt. Whenever I get a massage (which is usually only for my birthday or something) I always get an 80 minute because it takes me a good 20 minutes to calm down, lol. And no exception this time - I was actually super uncomfortable at first because, hello. It's uncomfortable enough to be lying naked on a table without a gigantic belly. So it took me a little while to just turn off my thoughts, but eventually I did, and all I can say is that it was just SO GOOD.


I thought about hugging the women afterwards, but didn't. And then she left me a cupcake and I decided she was sent to me from heaven. It really is unlike me - but I'm getting two more at 34 and 38 weeks, lol.


Because I'm being so induldgent, I've also decided to spend my last trimester watching the Bachelor for the first time ever. *And yes, I googled "Bachelor, Demi" and choose this picture based on the robe since it only makes sense here.

I've always been anti-Bachelor / Bachlorette because A.) they're like, 5 hours long. And B.) because I was protesting romance, lol. But when I saw that a new season was starting a few weeks back, I dont know - something inside me just wanted to see what this whole thing was about. Start to finish.

AND I GET IT NOW. It's a thing because IT'S TOTALLY A THING. I'm hoooked.

I love that it's 100 hours long, and takes me all week to watch. I love the stupid romance. I may even belive some of it. (Facepalm.) So consider me a lifer. I will be watching every season, from now on. GOODBYE Teen Mom on Mondays. And surprisingly, John was like, "what? You've never watched the Bachelor!" So apparently he's been a secret fan or something, and he's watching it with me which makes it makes it a million times better because I laugh the entire time. Highly suggest watching it with your spouse.

You can guess who his favorite is. Or I could just tell you. It's Demi. The girl in the robe. (If you're watching, you know.)

Lots of fun.

And then a few non-photographed, not as important things that are elevating my life lately:

1. Risotto. I'm obsessed with making Risotto!
I always thought it was something that was really difficult or expensive to make at home for some reason, but it's actually really easy and there's something therepeautic about having to stir it for 30 minutes. THIS is the recipe I've been loosely following, although I'm sure there are better ones. Instead of white wine though, I use an equal mix of lemon juice and water, and I switch the vegetables up every time. I even got crazy and topped it with roasted shrimp last time. 

2.) Cinnamon in my coffee grounds.
This has probably been done for hundreds of years, I know. But I've been stepping up my coffee game since it definitely feels like a little luxury in my life right now. I actually have it on my list (titled) "before baby" to get some of those fancy coffee syrups because coffee after a night of being a parent, is everything. ANYWAYS - I saw this girl on instagram mix cinnamon into her coffee grounds, and I was like...why have I never thought of this before? Genius.

And 3.) last thing because I'm just winging this off the top of my head now, and Emily will be up from her nap any second screaming to be coddled: I bought this AIR DRY line at Target by Kristin Ess + if you're low maintenance like me, this stuff is GREAT. I don't blow dry my hair anymore, just air dry, braid it overnight and then in the morning I curl a few peices. Am I saying this is a good look? No. I don't know. Maybe. Lol. But I like it! It's only $10, and sort of heavily something about smelling my own hair and feeling like a lady, just makes me happy right now.


I really could go on and on about a few other things like, how much I love my heating pad or the mocktail I've been making every night, etc..but she awake. #elmotime

Wednesday, January 9, 2019


Like most things, I probably have no idea what I’m talking about. And MAYBE no one cares. (It’s ok.) But when you’re a stay-at-home Mom and pretty much only talk to your toddler and other Moms through the Internet - these things can take on a life of their own. And as I sat up the other night (pregnancy insomnia..), I thought - WOW, I should totally blog about this. 


So let’s talk bed transitions! 

Since we’re about three months out from the arrival of baby #2, we decided to pull the trigger and make the room switch. We went back and forth, and back and forth about - do we buy a second crib? A “toddler” bed? A BED BED? And even though I was pushing hard for a second crib, and then I even liked the idea of a small toddler bed, we landed on a BED BED. A FULL SIZE BED BED. What finally sold me was getting to pick out new furniture for Emily, haha. Johns pitch was basically that another crib mattress was the same price as a full size mattress, and it was too temporary. As in, in two years max Emily would need a bigger mattress. But with a FULL, she can basically take it to college. (Kidding, but maybe?)

I got TONS of advice on this from other Moms and the conclusion I got was that every kid is different.
Every family is different, every housing situation is different and everyone parents differently. So this may not help you or anyone else AT ALL. But I think as Moms we just like to hear other people’s stories anyways. And, like I said - this is my life, so it’s what I have to talk about right now. (WELCOME.)

So Emily - 20 months by the way, got a new “big girl” bed and the baby will get her “baby” furniture. A lot of people suggest waiting until kids either climb out of their crib, or can understand and ask for the transition...which is understandable because there was nothing I could tell Emily to make her understand - but I think we got lucky that she was just like - oh ok, this is happening. I’ve heard some kids will cry at their cribs, wanting in. Or some parents will move the big bed into their room, but still let them sleep in their crib for a while so they can get used to the idea. I read it might be helpful to have her watch us remove the crib from her room. Which we did do - but only because she wouldn’t stay in the other room and watch the Sesame Street episode I put on. She was there for the whole switcharoo and didn’t even flinch when we moved the crib into the room next door. It’s hard for me to say that she wasn’t ready, or that she was, but I don’t think she was overly attached to her crib by any means.

Clearly. Not attached.

*Not a real picture - I thought I'd be sentimental and take some pictures before we moved everything out, and asked if I could take her picture in her crib one last time. Clearly not.

So, no. She never climbed out or did anything that told me she was ready, but she's never been a great sleeper anyway, so it was worth the risk. People keep asking if she's sleeping worse, and the answer is no. But she's also not sleeping any better. About the same.

Other side of the room.

I picked this set out online without seeing it in person and I was pleasantly surprised. It's engineered wood - but it looks real, and who knows how long it'll last! (I don't actually expect it to make it to college, lol.) I got some questions on Instagram about where I got it from, and we get almost everything from Nebraska Furniture Mart, which are only in Omaha and Dallas, but the brand looks like "Little Dreamer Willowton." Or that's the style? Regardless - I'm not sure it's available outside of those two store locations. *And everything else is probably Target.

But enough about decor. If anything is (let me underline and bold this..) not my specialty...that's definitely not it. But maybe now, "sleep training" is.


Kidding. But we're not doing too bad! I was nervous, but overall glad that we did it now. I got a ton of advice, like I said, (mostly not to do it, lol) - but I really think you just have to work with your kid.

The first night: we kept her same bedtime routine - dinner, bath, milk, books, bed. And let me say it was SUPER comfy to be able to climb my pregnant self into her bed to read books. We used to sit on the floor and Emily would sit in my lap, and that set up was going to last about two more days for me, lol. So, we read the books, then I told her it was "night-night" like I always do. And I laid down with her...

...and l just remembered that I already shared most of this, so let me just let my Instagram stories re-tell the story.

So nothing "interesting" happened, until night THREE when she tried to pull that shit on me again where she left her room one million times. And some kind of instinct kicked in and I parented like I never had before.

A lot - like A LOT of people told me that they lock their kids in their room. So if you're one of those people, don't feel bad. Apparently everyone does it. (But everyone was like, "don't tell anyone, but.....") I wouldn't have tried that with Emily for a few reasons, A.) I'm just not that hardcore. But also B.) because Emily is just too strongwilled. She would fight all night to get out if she really wanted out. So I started off doing what I had been doing - walking her back to her room each time with a kiss and a "night-night." And it wasn't even like she was upset by any of this! She would open her door, and LAUGH at how hilarious she thought she was. And I get it - I'm sure the freedom was intoxicating for a one year old. But after like 20 times, I just sat a chair right at the end of her hallway. To speed things up, and to let her know I wasn't going anywhere. And after TWO HUNDRED more kisses and "night-nights." I stopped playing around...

And this technique will probably only work if your child has attachment items. Which for anyone who doesn't know - Emilys are her two "blankies" which are actually old fleece sleep sacks. (WHY, I don't know. It just happened one day and I didn't expect it to be the big deal that it is now. She will take those to college.) So I took her blankies, and her doll...gave her a kiss and a "night-night" and a "if you don't stay in your bed, you're not getting your blankies." And I left her room...held the door knob, counted to 60 and then repeated. She would scream and cry and NO IT IS NOT FUN. But it worked. I gave her a hug, gave her back her things, put her back into her bed...and she tried that shit three more times before she stayed in her bed, for good.

Just kidding.

She does. But then leaves in the middle of the night...which is where we're at now.

But the fact that I can put her down, and she sleeps for at least a few hours so I can get some quiet time at night is enough for me. What we're dealing with now, is that she comes walking into our room at 1 / 2 / 4 AM...asking for "Elmo?" Or a "baba?" Or sometimes yelling for her binky, which she just left her in own damn bed. (Eye roll.) But none of this really bothers me because I was used to her getting up multiple times a night and having to go to her room and get her out of her crib anyways. So in a way, this is easier. But what's funny is how she zombie-walks, half-asleep, half-running down the hallway into our room. John pulled up a picture to describe what she looks like in the middle of the night...

I've never seen this movie, but the bed head is sort of spot on. After her bath at night, I brush it back and girl's got volume.

So, typically, I let her climb up in our bed (after I tell her no Elmo, and usually have to get out to track down a binky or get her some milk) and bring her back to her bed after she falls asleep. Most mornings, she's somehow back in our bed...kicking one of us in the face - but hey, this is our life right now. And parts of it are pretty funny. Do I miss sleep? Yes. How am I going to do it with a newborn too? I don't know. But it's all a phase, right? Someday she'll be 10 / 11 / 18  and I'm sure not running down the hallway to us, and maybe I'll miss it. 


Friday, December 21, 2018


Hope I'm not speaking too soon, but I made my goal this holiday season to try and actually enjoooy it - and I THINK I'm doing a pretty good job so far. After last year, and my breakdown (post here) I can see very clearly now WHY I had a breakdown...

- First Christmas in our new house, as what felt like "adults."
*nothing will stress you out more than trying too hard to be an adult.
- Hosted 6 out of town guests...
- I was a new Mom, holding myself to a stupid high standard.
- Just finished a rather long cleanse, which sent me on a spiral.
- And to cap it off, I switched my postpartum meds and expected no change in my mood apparently?

LOL to that one.

So this year, I was determined to do things differently. Which has sort of just become my life motto in general. Like - if I'm not happy, I need to be. (Straight to the point.) (Which I will do now, too.) So a few things we / I decided to do differently this year...

Liiike, Christmas alone.

I know. I know, I know, I know. What is wrong with us? I remember the first year I was in Omaha with John, I was so homesick at Christmas. But looking back, I was also still such a child, so of course I was. But now I've learned that I actually really, really like to be alone. *Let's lol, again.

So, just us this year. And that itself took a million could-be stressers out of my life. We have zero plans, giving me zero expectations. Just the way I like it. And then as far as everything else that comes with holiday territory -  I tried to simplify it all.


I FREAKED out last year while attempting to make Christmas cards, and wasted an ENTIRE DAY before I broke down and cried, and started all over the next day. Probably because it was my first year being a Mom and I was trying to find my confidence still, deeeeep in the comparison game wondering how I was doing and if I could pull off looking like I KNEW what I was doing via Christmas cards? I don't know. Why do we complicate these things so much? Again, I don't know. But this year, I took MAYBE an hour - got on the Costco website because THEY ARE THE CHEAPEST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW (YOU JUST HAVE TO LOWER YOUR STANDARDS BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT SHUTTERFLY AND DO NOT HAVE A GAZILLION OPTIONS), and I just picked a few of the pictures from when Emily went to see Santa. BOOM, done. I didn't even get upset when I got them in the mail and questioned if I really should have clicked the "enhance" photo option because the coloring sort of...sucked.


Then I sat up in bed for a few nights and addressed them while happily watching The Great British Baking Show. And when Emily needed an activity, I had her sit and put stickers on the envelopes. (Me last year would have been like LEAVE ME ALONE CHILD, THIS ACTIVITY DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU, EVEN THOUGH IT DOES AND PROBABLY SHOULD.) AND I only ordered 50 - so I apologize if someone didn't get one, but I honestly didn't overthink it. I had like 4 or 5 left, and instead of looking at them feeling like I half finished a project, I put them in the closet. #bye


Another thing I stress and stress and stress over. Since we have always had to mail gifts, it makes things more complicated. And since we've had a child (and a mortgage, etc) we've had to budget said gifts even more so than before and shipping someone a box itself IS basically a gift, lol. And it's not even that we have to do gifts for everyone - we have the laidest back set of family members / siblings. But, I like to. And it's something I think Emily (+ her sister) will take over once they're big enough to decide what they'd like to send / make.

I say "MAKE" because I am going homemade, for now. (Or trying.) I'm not the best at crafts so if you want to see the real deal - here's the link where I got the idea from. I could have totally stressed, because they are completely imperfect and took me for-ev-er, but I can say with all honesty that I enjoyed the process. I did! *And might I add, super cheap to make. Even though I wanted to question the $3.50 charge to mail a small manilla envelope?..I didn't.

AND - while I'm at it, let me quickly address the tree. (Pictured.) We have like, five ormanements because I must have thrown them away/ donated them last we moved. So I took fifteen could-be frustrating minutes of my life, wrapped a sparkly ribbon all around the tree and called it good. WA-BAM.


Probably THE stresser of stressers as a Mom on Christmas. Her kids.

Which - what the heck? That's silly. First of all, she's one. And has no idea that that box up there isn't actually a launch pad to jump on and off the couch, or that a bearded man is supposed to bring you everything you circled in the Target catalog. (Do kids still circle things in catalogs?) So, just kept it SUPER SIMPLE again. The grandparents sent the big gifts (GOD BLESS) and spent MAYBE $150 on other things for her. We got her a few additional things for her new kitchen, a baby doll with a stroller - in hopes that she will learn what a baby is...and like it - and then an art easil and some new art supplies for this area of our kitchen I now refer to as her "art studio." *Kidding, but she did recently get a small table where she likes to sit and do stickers and things and she enjoys it, so I'm just expanding on that area. (Our house is way too big for us still, so lots of areas I'm trying to "expand" upon. And it's why we can fit what's essentially a bouncy castle in here..)

And seriously, that's it.

Because I kept everything as simple as I could, I really feel like I've enjoyed December more than ever. I've been able to enjoy treats like never before because I'm not just emotionally eating them, like I was last year. (Middle of the night, cookie dough. So much cookie dough last year.) I've had the mental capacity and the energy to work on other things in my life. Like, we've been more social than ever this month, and I haven't died. (And I don't hate it!) I've been nicer to my family. Like, a lot nicer. And I should add - I've stayed off the internet A LOT more than I have in the past few years, and that's incredibly helpful too. I know I keep preaching this, but internet comparison on holidays can ruin it all. Just don't.

And THIS is in no ways meant to hold a comparision. Maybe you enjoy going all out. YOU DO YOU. I just know, I'm the kind of person who can ruin everything by overthinking / overdoing, and looking around too much thinking there's a way things are "supposed" to be. And I'm learning how to get away from that.

So now I guess it's onto other things to stress about. Like, how I just edited this font 12 times and still hate it. Or how Emily's getting a freaking full size bed next week and I have no idea how to properly transition her. (As if there were such a thing.)

More to come though, more to come.

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