Saturday, September 22, 2018

FIRST TRIMESTER DIARIES.

....thought since I am losing my mind, this might be a good place to get all my feelings out. I absolutely HATE the secrecy of the first trimester, but I get it. Especially after having approx 4579575 internet Mom friends now, I've heard my share of stories, so I'm a lot more aware this time around of what could happen. Which, I hate. When I was first pregnant with Emily, I knew of things like the 'm' word, but I didn't know how often things like that happened. Now I know, and it definitely makes for me a lot more anxious time around....

Today I am 8 weeks, 1 day apparently. 


I only have about 25 apps on my phone all telling me basically nothing, lol. The baby is a raspberry in some and "almost a raspberry" in others? He or she has an enormous head, and it will be a while before it resembles anything that looks like baby. I spent all morning crying on the couch, watching Elmo with Emily and googling "8 weeks pregnant, why am I so sad?" while simulataneously reading Dr. Suess's, "The Great Birthday Bird" which is a book Emily is obsessed with...even though she's torn out all of the pull tabs, so a couple pages make no sense anymore. The crying today was hard. I wake up every day with the best intentions, and it seems at some point I just lose it. I've heard it explained like a tidal wave coming in. The hormones. You just get smacked with emotion and then all of a sudden, you're crying for no reason. Except, there are actually SO MANY REASONS.

It's been really hard being this exhuasted with a full-time toddler around. And that drives me to tears many nights in itself. I feel like I'm being a bad Mom. I'm frustrated that I'm getting nothing done since the minute she naps, I nap and then spend the rest of the day trying to convince Emily to play by herself from the couch. Not that I was this amazing SAHM Mom before, lol...but I feel especially horrible now. She's in this stage where she wants to learn and explore, and she's been sort of on her own the past few weeks. I haven't been a super great wife either. I'm not sure what else we've talked about lately other than me not feeling well. The only fun in it so far for John are my cravings. The other night he got home, there was nothing for dinner because I was "NOT HUNGRY FOR ANYTHING." AND "NOTHING SOUNDS GOOD, AT ALL." So after reading a list of every single food place within five miles, he finally convinced me to get a cheeseburger. And my God, if that wasn't the best cheeseburger I've ever had, lol. I don't get morning sickness, but I get wicked food aversions and nothing sounds good to me lately. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Those shakes I drink that are basically the rainforest in a glass, I have been gagging down. Which probably doesn't help my mood, or my fatigue because without them, I'm living on carbs and cheese and fruit. Which is exaclty what I'm eating right now, lol. #fruitislife

But, I don't know. I've just been super sad. It was no secret how bad I wanted this to happen, but it wasn't just because I wanted another baby. It was also because I wanted to get another baby over with...

I never imagined that this stage of life would be so hard for me since it was all I ever wanted, and it was my "I'll be happy when" thing - but it's so had. I don't do well with the hormones or the lack of personal space and the feeling of being sort of, trapped. Like, I'm stuck here until further notice and that's that. When you're the Mom, there's no one else to replace you. (Unless you have a nanny, then cool) Or to just surrender and be like, "yeah this is a lot, I quit..." Nope - you're literally the ONLY one for the job and the idea of that feels just, a bit heavy. Like, shoot...me? I HAVE to see this thing through? Quitting's not an option?

It's a lot.

So the idea of doubling down is terrifying. Those first few months with a newborn almost killed me, how do I do it again, IN ADDITION to the baby that almost killed me, lol? Can I do it?

Well, the answer is I have to. And that makes me cry, lol...


UGH. That's probably enough for now. I've gotta run off and try and get happy so I can make it through the second half of the day. *Picture of me wearing this weird outfit is because I tried to get my life together once already today. **Maybe I'm not a quitter after all...

________________________________________

9 weeks, 2 days:


This is the first time I've cried all week, so seems appropriate that I come here to write. Lol, UGH. Today just feels...long, like all the days do. But this week, John's been working literally like 15 hour days, so it only being Thursday feels like an eternity and for some reason - even though I am still beyond exhuasted, I cannot sleep. I toss around all night, and then I'm having a hard time napping too. I keep trying new spots in the house to nap, and it's just not working. It's hot. And I feel...worried. I think it's because things are starting to catch up with me, like all the things I'm not getting done, and it's becoming this huge stressful un-done list of things in my head that I can't shake off. I did something really stupid business-wise last week, because I was feeling like I just didn't want the burden of all my responsibilites, and not I'll probably most definitely regret it - so there's that. And my chalkboard in the hallway has said "make eye appointment, etc etc etc" on it for three weeks now. And I just keep looking at it, and doing nothing, lol. But I better do it soon, because I have about two weeks left of contacts. Lol, UGHH. But I'm not doing any of the things I "should" be doing, because I don't have the energy. I started an online photo order A WEEK ago, and it's still sitting here in my tabs bar; another thing that will probably take me at least a few more weeks to get to...

I'm somewhat adjusting to this extreme fatigue though, because I have to - but it's still really depressing feeling like it will never go away. I think I remember with Emily being about 14 weeks when I felt like I had my energy back. But, I also had so much time to myself. I feel like this pregnancy is just going to be exhuasting right up until the end. And then the end = now you can only sleep in 2 hour increments, AND ENTERTAIN A TODDLER. Have fun! Lol.

But we did finally get to see the Doctor last week, which was a relief because there is actually a baby in there. So that was good news. And all looked good (or as good as can be in the shortest ultrasound ever) and they gave me a due date of April 2nd. Although, I'll have a 39 week c-section, so we'll get to choose babys actual birthday when it gets closer. (Still a c-section fan.) And next week I get the genetic testing done, so by 12 weeks we should know gender! Heartbeat was 160, which I think means girl, but I still feel like it's a boy most of the time. I actually had a dream the other night that we were at the Doctors and she told us the baby was a boy, but that he looked short, hahaha. The weird pregnancy dreams are back! I had another one where I was on an airplane with Khloe Kardashian, and she was pregnant and needed off the plane mid-air, so they tied a rope around her and dropped her down through the sky, lol. And then I ordered orange chicken and pizza from the flight attendant. (I've never even had orange chicken, lol?) Then one night I was at a haunted house with my friend and I wanted to leave, but I had an old school flip phone and couldn't download the app for Uber, lol.

The dreams are pretty funny. But everything else just feels like survival mode, and it sucks. Get through the day, try to sleep, hope I'm not ruining Emilys toddlerhood, etc etc etc.

It's hard.


But I guess the good news so far is that I have BARELY thought about my changing body, and what I look like. Maybe because I just trust my body now to do what it's going to do? And because practicing Intuitive Eating has rid me of that obsession. (Thank God.) But here I am, 9 weeks 2 days. I have such a short torso, everything just sort of starts to puff out and I'm all gut for a while. I guess if there's one thing I am enjoying it's these changes, because they're so very welcomed. *Unlike the 24/7 nap spell.

________________________________________

10 weeks, 6 days: 


DOING BETTER. 

DOING SO MUCH BETTER. 

I figured out the secret. I'm wrestling with it and John's not happy.

BUT IT'S CAFFEINE. 

I didn't drink any with Emily, besides the occasional Diet Coke if we were staying out late or something, lol. And I figured since I had such a healthy pregnancy last time and a pretty *perfect* baby, that it was probably safe to do the same thing.....so I stopped. My beloved pre-workout, coffee, tea, ALL OF IT. And I think it was probably what made weeks 5-8 SO, SO hard too. Like, I took away my lifeline....AND my body went into hibernation. Double whammy! I'm sure it was good that I took a few weeks off to "detox" because I was drinking some super high levels prior to getting pregnant. But I realized this week that having NO CAFFEINE just wasn't going to be realistic this time around. I feel like I've been trying to live my life with my hands tied behind my back or something. Things have been so much harder than they probably needed to be. I'm making myself miserable and I think it was totally contributing to my depresssion these past few weeks. And I tell people all the time, "only you can help yourself." So, I had to do what I had to do.... 

And it's crazy what just the smallest glass of iced tea can do, lol. 

Today, I weeded the whole front yard. Like, I have motivation again!! HOORAH! But I'm also just pretty pumped for fall because it's finally cool outside and I have been WISHING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG. I am so grateful I wasn't pregnant over the summer, as badly as I wanted to be a few months ago because that heat was brutal. I couldn't even step outside a few weeks ago,  because I'd instantly get a headache. (Being stuck inside = also a recipe for depression.)

It was a pretty decent day. (How's that for a positive update, finally lol.)

But now Emily is at my feet, screeching....

So, gonna wrap it up and just say praise Jesus things are looking up. I'm BEYOND READY TO STOP LIVING IN SECRET TOO. I HATE THIS PART!


....the puffy gut continues, lol. 

________________________________________

11 weeks, 2 days: 


UGH.

I'm sad and embarassed to say that last night I had my first real breakdown over my changing body.  Apaprently, I spoke too soon! Maybe it's because I can definitely tell that things are changing now, or maybe it's because I stepped on the scale yesterday even though I KNEW it was a bad idea. I'm just having a hard time not comparing my weight week-by-week to what I weighed when I was pregnant with Emily. Even though that's totally not fair, and I know it.

I also shared a few clips from my workout the other morning, and I just scrutinized myself for not looking "small." (So dumb.) And I HATE that I'm even admitting this and I wish I could be stronger, but it's real life and change is hard. So I wasn't feeling great about myself all day, and then when John and I were watching TV in bed later at night, he touched my stomach and I just couldn't hold back the tears any longer. It was one of those cries that you try really hard to keep in, and not let anyone see...but you can't. And then I said some really mean things about myself that I regretted IMMEDIATELY because I knew it was wrong, and I know I'm better than that. But it's hard in the moment when you're trying to grapple with that kind of change. 

I think it's just that awkward, weird stage though where you don't LOOK pregnant combined with the fact that you're still "pretending" you're not. It's wearing big shirts to hide my growing belly, and acting like everything is still normal...

Have I MENTIONED THAT I HATE THE HIDING OUT PART? Lol. Well, I do. 

BUT, soon! So soon!


And in the mean time, I'll just be digging out all of my maternity clothes already and ignoring mirrors. KIDDING. Just going to do my best to embrace this weird stage because that's all I can do, and that's what I SHOULD do.


Next time I blog....I'LL BE GOTTA THE CLOSET, BABY.

*And hopefully, the second trimester energy will follow! **PLEASE DEAR LORD.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

3 BOOKS I'M READING RIGHT NOW, + MY ENTIRE SELF-HELP BOOK GUIDE.


My first experience with self-help books was by accident, and sort of blew my mind. My Mom had gotten the book, "The Secret" back when I was in high-school (when it was all the buzz) and for some reason, I read it and I remember thinking, WAIT! I can make my life whatever I want it to be????

So, I made a vision board, like the book suggested. And then I sat back and waited for the Louis Vuitton bag that I had printed off to show up at my doorstep...

Annnd it didn't, lol. Because it turns out, you can totally change your life, but in order to do so, you have to actually change your life. Whether that be your daily routine, your career or just your mindset. But all of those are actually really, really hard. There's a reason there are so many of us wandering around so unhappy. It's hard to grow up, and change. But I think that's the challenge and the beauty of becoming an adult; that we get to change. And you can start by reading a self-help book. Seriously, if you want a different life, there's a book for that. 

Here are three that I'm reading right now, based on three very different areas of MY LIFE that I'm working on...

INTUITIVE EATING:


I know, I know, I know. I talk about this one nonstop, lol. But it was / IS life changing for me. And I'll be reading it for a while because it's not something you can (or should) read quickly and move on from. You have to learn through digging deep, getting really real with yourself and taking action. And that goes for everything...

"First published in 1995, Intuitive Eating has become the go-to book on rebuilding a healthy body image and making peace with food. We've all been there―angry with ourselves for overeating, for our lack of willpower, for failing at yet another diet. But the problem is not us; it's that dieting, with its emphasis on rules and regulations, has stopped us from listening to our bodies. Written by two prominent nutritionists, Intuitive Eating will teach you: 
• How to reject diet mentality forever 
• How our three Eating Personalities define our eating difficulties 
• How to find satisfaction in your eating 
• How to feel your feelings without using food 
• How to honor hunger and feel fullness 
• How to follow the ten principles of "Intuitive Eating", 
• How to achieve a new and safe relationship with food and, ultimately, your body 
• How to raise an "intuitive eater!"
• And the incredible science behind intuitive eating!"

COME AS YOU ARE:


This is not a sexy book. It's science. But I think every women NEEDS to read it. This one is also taking me forever, but mostly because I'm hardly ever in the mood to read it (lol), but it's FASCINATING. Like, did you know men and women start off the exact same...with the exact same "parts?" And then once sex is determined, they're just arranged differently, meaning they'll work differently. It's true! So if you've ever wondered why you're "not working" like a man...this is why.

"An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works—based on groundbreaking research and brain science—that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer—but as a result of the research that’s gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women’s sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.

The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences. Because women vary, and that’s normal.

Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s arousal, desire, and orgasm.

Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.

And Emily Nagoski can prove it."

YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE:


I just binged this one super fast and now I'm going back and doing all the writing exercises because it's a lot. NONE of this "work" is easy. But especially not when it involves going back in your childhood to sort through the people and events that shaped you. But, I loved it! I really, really loved it. Gabby Bernstein fans / "miracle workers" - this one is for you. 

"Louise L. Hay, bestselling author, is an internationally known leader in the self-help field. Her key message is: "If we are willing to do the mental work, almost anything can be healed." The author has a great deal of experience and firsthand information to share about healing, including how she cured herself after being diagnosed with cancer. An excerpt from You Can Heal Your Life: Life Is Really Very Simple. What We Give Out, We Get Back What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us. I believe that everyone, myself included, is responsible for everything in our lives, the best and the worst. Every thought we think is creating our future. Each one of us creates our experiences by our thoughts and our feelings. The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences."


**And side note - I do think with personal development, it's okay to be reading multiple books at the same time. I could never do that with a novel because I'd end up getting characters confused, lol. But with this, it's all about what I feel like I need that day. So, I never know what I'll be in the mood for, or feel like I need to focus on that day. 

And now, my gift to you - my entire self-help book guide broken down into categories based on what you may need to work on yourself.


My advice is to start committing to at least ONE book a month, and really take the time to dig in + start putting into practice what you're learning. There is no rushing this. Often times, we try to rush through a book thinking that just hearing the words will affect us, but not true. You need to absorb some things multiple times, and then take action. And what you read will depend on what you need help WITH. Start by making a list of areas that you're struggling with. Are you going through a transitional period? What are certain areas of your life that you want to improve on? Have any past experiences that are holding you back and you're ready to break free from? THINK.

And then keep in mind that it will be hard. Especially if it's really personal. You may read a chapter, and then need to take a few days to feel through what it brought up. Or you might be implementing new behaviors, and change is always hard. Also know that if you start something and you're struggling to connect, that's okay. Maybe it's just not the right time. Or not what you really need at the moment. I started this awesome book called, "Quiet" all about the power of Introverts - TWO YEARS AGO - and I have yet to finish it because I'm okay with being an Introvert! I find it fascinating, but there are a lot of other pressing things that I want to work on right now to move my life forward, right now. So keep in mind, that you can always go back to things later. So put it down, and start something else. (Or rotate, like I said!) 

And TIP! If you don't like to read, or dont' have time -  AUDIO!!! You can get a lot of books on audio from the Library, or by subscribing to Audible. (Affiliated with Amazon.) Listen in your car, on your commute, while you walk the dog or fold the laundry. Even just ten minutes a day is beneficial! *You can sign up for a 30-day trial with Audible and get your first book FREE. And even when you cancel, you get to keep it. Nice little hack if you have multiple emails too, lol!

BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS:

  • Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts - Gary Chapman
  • The Go Giver - Bob Burg
  • How To Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie
  • The Fred Factor: How Passion in Your Work and Life Can Turn the Ordinary into the Extraordinary - Mark Sandborn
  • Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself - Florence Littauer
  • Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar - Cheryl Strayed
  • Friendship: A Novel - Emily Gould
  • Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone - Mark Goulston
  • Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex - John Gray 

LIFESTYLE:

  • Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up - Marie Kondo
  •  Pretty Happy: Healthy Ways to Love Your Body - Kate Hudson
  • No Excuses - Brian Tracy
  • Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life - Simone Sinek
  • Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul - Danielle LaPorte
  • Unlimited: How to Build an Exceptional Life - Jillian Michaels
  • High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way - Hay House
  • The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fu*k: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have With People You Don’t Like, Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do - Sarah Knight
  • On Fire: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life - John O’ Leary
  • The Gift of Imperfections: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are - Brene Brown
  • The Happiness Project - Gretchen Rubin
  • Present Over Perfect -Shauna Niequist

MINDSET:

  • The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life - Mark Manson
  • Get Over Your Damn Self: The No-BS Blueprint to Building a Life Changing Business - Romi Neustadt
  • You Can, You Will - Joel Osteen
  • The Charge - Brenden Buchard
  • The Power of Intention - Wayne Dyer
  • Awaken The Giant Within - Tony Robbins
  • The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith - Gabrielle Bernstein
  • Failing Forward - John C. Maxwell
  • Start: Punch Fear In The Face - Jon Acuff
  • Daring Greatly - Brene Brown
  • Unfu*k Yourself: BS-Free Self-Empowerment Guide - Gary John Bishop
  • Break Through Your BS: Uncover Your Brains Blindspots and Unleash Your Inner Greatness - Derek Doepker
  • Unfu*k Yourself - Gary John Bishop

CONFIDENCE:

  • She Means Business: Turn Your Ideas Into Reality and Become A Wildly Successful Entrepreneur - Carrie Green
  • You Are A Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life - Jen Sincero
  • The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self Assurance - Katty Kay
  • Braving The Wilderness: The Quest For True Belonging and Courage To Stand Alone - Brene Brown

MENTAL + SPIRITUAL HEALING:

  • May Cause Miracles: A 40-day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness - Gabby Bernstein
  • The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide To Personal Freedom - Don Miguel Ruiz
  • The Power of Now: A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment - Eckhart Tolle
  • You Can Heal Your Life - Louise L. Hay
  • A Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastering the Journey from Fear to Love - Alan Cohen

OWNING YOUR STORY:

  • Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear - Elizabeth Gilbert
  • The Obstacle Is The Way: The Timeless Act of Turning Trials Into Triumps
  • Carry On Warrior: The Power Of Embracing Your Messy Beautiful Life - Glennon Doyle Melton
  • Choosing Real: An Invitation to Celebrate When Life Doesn't Go as Planned -Bekah Jane Pogue
  • The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph - Ryan Holiday

INSPIRATION + MOTIVATION:

  • Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail - Cheryl Strayed
  • Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert
  • #GIRLBOSS - Sophia Amoruso
  • The Year of Magical Thinking - Joan Didion
  • The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself - Michael A. Singer
  • Love Warrior: A Memoir - Glennon Doyle
  • Some Nerve: Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave - Patty Change Anker
  • Make it Happen: Surrender Your Fear. Take The Leap. Live On Purpose - Lara Casey
  • Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead -Tara Mohr
  • The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living -
    Meik Wiking 
  • A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose - Eckhart Tolle
  • Girl, Wash Your Face - Rachel Hollis

OVERCOMING AN EATING DISORDER:

  • Never Binge Again: Glenn Livingston
  • Food Freedom Forever: Letting Go of Bad Habit, Guilt and Anxiety around Food - Melissa Hartwig 
  • Stop Eating Your Heart Out: The 21 Day Guide to Free Yourself from Emotional Eating - Meryl Hershey Beck
  • Brain Over Binge: Why I was Bulimic - Kathryn Hansen
  • Food: The Good Girls Drug - Sunny Gold
  • This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol: Find Freedom, Rediscover Happiness & Change Your Life
  • Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that works - by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch

LIVING WITH ANXIETY:

  • On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety -  Andrea Peterson
  • Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks -Barry McDonagh
  • The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You - Elaine N. Aron
  • Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve 
  • Anxiety and Eliminate Negative Thinking - S. J Scott

BATTLING DEPRESSION:

  • The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Values, and Spiritual Growth - M. Scott Peck
  • The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression - Andrew Solomon
  • Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life - Gary John Bishop 
  • It's Not Fair: Learning to Love the Life You Didn't Choose -Melanie Dale

ADDICTION:

  • Get Out Of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior - Mark Goulston 

GRIEF + LOSS:

  • When Bad Things Happen to Good People - Harold S. Kushner

TRAUMA:

  • The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind and Body In The Healing of Trauma - Bessel van der Kolk M.D 
  • The Trauma of Everyday Life: Opening The Door To Growth And Healing -by Mark Epstein M.D.

WOMENS HEALTH:

    • A Mind of Your Own: The Truth About Depression and How Women Can Heal Their Bodies to Reclaim Their Lives - Kelly Brogan 
    • The Longevity Book: the science of aging, the biology of strength, and the privilege of time - Cameron Diaz
    • Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life - Emily Nagoski Ph.D
    • The Telomere Effect: A Revolutionary Approach to Living Younger, Healthier, Longer - Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn
    • Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing - Christiane Northrup M.D.

    And because that was long enough, I left out anything business related -  but I have a ton there too! Whether you're starting a new business, or need branding help, I have those rec's and I can send them over by request. 

    Anyone have anything else to add? I'm more than happy to update this list!

    Sunday, July 15, 2018

    GRAM CUTS.

    You know all those pictures you take that aren't good enough to gram, or when you just took 400 of your baby and it'd be weird to share them all, lol? These are mine from the past few weeks...


    Em's at the splash pad. I did take about 400 pictures, and could have shared all of them, she's so stinking cute in a swim suit. Why can't I be this cute? OR ARE WE ALL ACTUALLY THIS CUTE?


    DONUTS. 

    And a random thought about donuts, I was on Pinterest the other day looking for quotes to share (bc I do that) and I came across this "quote" not once, but TWICE. It said "weights don't make women big, donuts do." Pissed me off, so just a reminder that literally anyone can put a quote to picture. Careful who you choose to follow. 


    Pictures I send to my husband....


    Cute backs of baby dresses from Target. 


    Me throwing my child upside down in a photo booth.


    Lots of mirror selfies don't make the cut, lol. But that's my job believe it or not. 
    To work out, and show up.


    AND to also share what I'm eating Which is really fun for me lately. I'm so excited to talk more about what I'm learning with Intuitive Eating...

     It's early, and I have a lot more work than I initially thought, but I think it's going to be a game-changer.


    And add to another approx 400 photos + videos on my phone are Emily at Gym. She started when she was only 9 months, and it's been the coolest thing to watch her grow. She's a MONKEY. You should see her climb up on the couch! She pushes the button to recline it JUST enough so that it makes an inclince for her to get up, sort of like this.


    Where I spend most lunches after Gym, hahaha. If she falls asleep on the way home, I just keep the car on and let her sleep so I have to eat or work from the garage. I took this shot to post about how I felt uninspired one day...

    I wonder why, lol. 


    More pictures to my husband. #SAHMLIFE 


    Babys first In-N-Out Milkshake. *Kidding, not her first at all. 


    Oh, and speaking of my husband. I do have one picture of him from the last month, hahaha. Probably one of my new favorites. From the other day when we all trekked to the hair salon together. Emily was a gem. She's like that in public, lol..


    And now bringing it back to this morning, with another selfie in front another mirror to share with my online community about how I woke up in a mooooood. 

    A "moooooooood" called, my-baby-was-up-for-two-hours-in-the-middle-of-the-night #becausemolars. I got over it though thanks to the help of my pre-workout, which if I'm doing my job right, you should all know that I LOVE.


    Leaving me to end it on this note -- giving all these precious little babies away for anyone who joins my community in July. They're great for workout motivation, but really, they just bring me life. And I wanna bring everyone to life <3 

    It's my calling. *that and being a Mom, of course lol..
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