Thursday, January 28, 2016

"If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely." -Roald Dahl

The other morning I was outside and I said to myself, "I hate everything." And I'm sorry, but it felt awesome. I decided I can hate things sometimes. Moods are temporary, and I'm all about feeling the feelings, so why not? It will pass eventually. But for real, I've been being a real 'B' word this week.

Yesterday in Walmart, I climbed (barely!) up to reach something on the top shelf and an employee shouted, "MAAM???????" (like, not in a nice way) and caught me so off guard I was like, "oh, sorry." And then he was like, "do you need something?????" (again, not in a nice way) and in my head I was like, "OBVIOUSLY!" but I went, "nope, got it." Then I immediately texted John that I hate people and spent the rest of my time shopping there thinking of things I wish I had said back to him. Like, I literally turned the next aisle and there was an employee also climbing the shelf. I'm short, give me a break. Am I just not supposed to buy things off the top shelf? Do you really care about the fucking shelf that much? Get a life guy.

Sorry I cursed. I had to. It annoyed me.

Then, and now this is a really sad story, but since I can't sleep (really, CANNOT sleep) lately I was trying to take a nap the other day, and they are doing construction next to our apartment and I had the most rage-infuled nap of my life. All I could hear was BANG BANG BANG and I wanted to kill everyone. I won't say what I was thinking about, but just imagine not nice thoughts. From someone who literally has the luxury of spending long periods of time unemployed each year and is able to take naps.

...I'm a horrible person.

And then Ted has been MR. CRY BABY this week. He's always whined quite a bit, but lately he is acting literally like an 11 month old baby (which he is lol). I think it was on Monday, I cried every time we got back inside from a walk. He's just a lot to handle sometimes. When we're inside he's crying at me which I take as a constant reminder that his life sucks, which then makes me feel very, very sad and guilty. So I take him for a lot of walks. But he is driving me crazy here at this new apartment because the "mulch" areas or whatever they're called, are filled with pine needles. (No idea what that's about, and we keep getting reminders about them being fire hazards so that's comforting lol.) And Ted has an obsession with sticks, like he cannot walk unless he has a stick in his mouth, so he thinks he's hit the jackpot and that these pine needles are just piles of sticks for him. He's become kind of obsessed, and is always pulling me towards the pine needles and grabbing mouthfuls of them and dragging them all around, and making a mess and, yeah. I just want to walk. I seriously wonder if anyone ever hears me on our walks. I'm like, "Ted this is called exercise. It only works if we keep moving. Please walk. Walk Ted. TED WALK." Does anyone have a dog who will just walk? I'd love that. I made it my goal the last few days to just not get frustrated with him, and I'm getting better. But I don't always have the patience with him. (Ask me why I don't have kids yet.) And his guilt trip did wear on me eventually, so I did take him to the dog park. For the first time by myself I might add. It was so, so muddy because it was like right after the snow had all melted and he got so, so filthy, but we survived. I don't like going without John because I just get nervous. Like, if Ted was in trouble with a mean dog or something I would probably freeze up instead of try to rescue him, so I just worry a lot. But it was fine. I felt like a nice person again afterwards.

...and then he had to get a bath, and the whole frustrating 9 yards once we got home, and I cried again. Haven't cried yet today though, so I'm getting somewhere. I should also mention this isn't totally normal, it is "that time." You know. So give me a little break.

But the worst thing that happened this week was this:

THAT is my new passport photo. Yes, that creature is me. But for the record, this is also me:

Don't even judge this selfie though. I only sent it to John to say "WTF just happened?!" It's been on my list...for 14 months now to update my passport to my new name, so I had this idea that I would just do it this week and get it over with. I really think I haven't done it because I dread the whole picture part. Like, going into CVS and asking a person who probably hates their job and does not want to help you, or worse has like 100 other people waiting to be helped and going, "hi can you please take my picture?" It just makes me all kinds of nervous. But I woke up on Tuesday feeling determined not to be a piece of sh*t and put makeup on, curled my hair and went for it (even though I had a huge zit, whatever it's part of me). I knew it wasn't going to be a glamour shot, but I did not expect that. She didn't even show it to me until I was paying for it, or else I would have been like "NO NO NO NO, WAIT NO. TRY AGAIN." But once I saw it, it was too late. So I sat in my car for a good 20 minutes and debated on going back in. But I decided whatever, it is what it is. Sent it off in the mail and everything. And I did feel better that I accomplished something actually productive in my life instead of watching another 1 star movie on Netflix.

And anyways, this is what Johns passport looks like....

So basically, we're going to get stopped for drugs either way. Just kidding. His expires this year so he's getting a new one too. And we aren't even going anywhere. Not soon at least. So who knows, maybe I never even have to use it. Or maybe it will come back looking 3 shades of orange like my last one did. Really though, who cares. Not me. Over it.

I'm just chalking it up to karma for being such a little 'B' this week. Apparently being ugly on the inside WILL make you ugly on the outside. Consider yourself warned.

And sorry for once again being a downer. I promise I'll stop, one day. I actually sat down with the intention to write something along the lines of "Things I'm into Thursday" so I could talk about my new water bottle and all the beets I've been eating from Costco and Chelsea Handlers blue nail polish. But this happened instead. Blogging is weird yeah?


  1. Aww, you're having a bad week. It happens, and it SUCKS. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, though...and it will get better! You're still adjusting to your 'new life' and that's what it is - still very NEW! Also, for the record, I don't think your passport pic is bad at all!

    1. I'm not sure how long I can use the 'new' card for...but I'm probably going to keep it going for at least another 4 weeks lol. And seriously. It is the worst picture I've ever taken. I don't know what kind of lighting they have in that place, but I used to (still kind of do lol, obviously) have really bad acne and I can see like every scar. And it looks like how meth addicts pick at their face you know and end up with like similar looking scars? I'm sure though that once it comes back it will look different. They put like all that shiny shit on top anyways lol. But, thank you for saying it's not bad. You are a nice person.

  2. YOU ARE SPEAKING TO MY SOUL. I have this coworker who can be really beezy so when she's rude to me in emails I fire back (and this is all with a group email address with like 6 people on it including my boss can see). This week she was complaining about something not getting done by my department so I emailed back and was like, "Well this is our process." And it turns out the thing she was bitching about, she took over years ago and has been doing herself...and then out of nowhere she decides to be passive aggressive and blame us instead of just going to my boss and asking if we can take it over for her. UGH.

    Also, I wish my dogs would just walk. They don't. And walking both of them is horrible because they want to pull me in all different directions. And one of them is super nervous so she pulls REALLY hard away from people or dogs or anything, and the other dog tries to charge towards every dog she sees so basically it feels like my arms are going to get ripped off.

    For some reason the dogs sometimes wake up at like 3 or 4 in the morning and are just AWAKE. And they want to leave the room for whatever reason, so they might whine or move around and I'm a super light sleeper so I wake up, and then once they see I'm up they pounce on me or they whine even louder. And Michael just sleeps through this crap. They seriously kept me up for like an hour and I was so pissed both at them and at Michael for being able to sleep through it.

    I need to get a new passport too. Ugh. The name change at the DMV and SS office was the easy part, it's everywhere else that's annoying me! John's passport photo is hilarious though. Michael has a super old picture on his debit card and it cracks me up. He has a very pronounced unibrow in it hahahaha.

    1. The passport is so confusing to me because I like didn't know what they wanted, so I sent everything to show my name changed. I just hope they send it back lol. Getting married is hard. HOW do some people do it multiple times lol. Like my Moms changed her name three times I think..(she's back to her maiden name now) that would suck lol. And girl, I don't know how you have two dogs. I always say the only way I would have two dogs is if we had a house and a yard and I didn't have to take them out on leashes all the time. Even when we were watching the little chihuahua I wouldn't take her out with Ted because he takes all my strength to control sometimes. And he wakes me up EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, MULTIPLE TIMES! John never wakes up. He doesn't do it a lot, but sometimes he'll start like coughing and making gagging noises and I know he's going to throw up and I'm always like praying John hears it first and will get up, but nope. Never.

  3. OMG. John's passport picture is amazing - thank you for sharing that lol!! And tell him sorry that seeing that made my entire day! Also I do NOT have a dog that will just walk either. It can be so freaking annoying - he's either dragging me down the street or stopping every 10 seconds to smell the ground. I hope they grow out of this one day...

    1. Lol seriously isn't it so funny. He was 16 and for some reason I remember guys making this face in high school. Like to look tough or something. I will be sad when he gets rid of this one lol. And thank you Brady. I swear I spend two hours a day watching ted smell grass. It drives me completely crazy.

  4. Don't feel bad, my passport photo is worse than that! I hate not being able to smile/show my teeth!! Also, that doesn't even look like John--holy cow!!


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