Wednesday, June 20, 2018

CONGRATS, YOU'VE FAILED.




A question I've always struggled with is, what would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Like, we all have these deep desires to be something great, like a doctor or a pilot or the president or something. It makes me feel, small. Like...umm, I don't know. I really just want to shop? Can that be a thing, lol?

If you've followed my coaching journey at all, you know that I barely graduated high school, and then I went on to drop out of college not once, but THREE TIMES. And then -- over the course of the past, I dont know..15 years, I've had about 100 jobs, a lot of which had nothing to do with the other, lol.

TALK ABOUT CONFUSED.

I'm really not surprised though, now that I know myself better. I never really wanted any of those things, I just thought everyone was supposed to be super book smart and driven, and have a SWEET PLAN. But one thing after the next, I totally FAILED. And actually, my third attempt at college, I went to...are you ready? ONE CLASS. Lol, ugh. But, besides the having to tell other people, take new stupid jobs, etc. I never really felt like I had failed, but instead like I had just learned one more thing that wasn't for me.

School: nope.
Office job: nope.
Retail: nope.
Anything to with math: double nope.

Those kind of lessons suck, don't get me wrong. But I learned one "failure" at a time, who I was and what I wasn't. And it was all a blessing.

Which is why I hate the idea that failure is bad. 

What I think failure really is, is fear.

I think the question ought to be, what would you do if you weren't afraid?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. A big part of me wants to do these big, awesome things. But then, another part of me -- the one that knows that I don't have a competive bone in my body, or any desire to climb mountains, feels like a failure. Even though I've accepted my limitiations, it's hard.

If I wasn't afraid of what I thought I was supposed to do, what would I actually do..?

Totally shop all day. But also, maybe I'd write a book? Without tearing apart the idea 1,000x in my head, or worrying if I was good enough or if anyone else would like it. What if I just, did it? I don't know! (CRAZY THOUGHTS, RIGHT.) I think I'd like to learn more about nutrition too. But not in a school setting, but maybe an intuitive eating seminar or something? I love to learn, I crave it actually. But once it feels like a job, I can't. And I'm okay with not re-learning that school thing again. Not even a cop out! BE TRUE 2 YOU.

If I'm being totally honest -- and honesty is something I've learned to not be afraid of  --  if I wasn't afraid to look like a failure, I'd really just love to learn, and live.

Do I have a specific big, giant scary dream? Honestly? Not really. Unless it's being able to shop without a budget.
Do I feel like I have to though? Yes.

The idea of success is so intimidating. No one wants to be mediocre, but the standard for success is sometimes so high, the fear of failure stops so many people from trying -- like, anything!

And does that not ruin the whole freaking 'life' thing?

WHAT IF I did write that book? (The one I have no idea what it would even be about, lol.) What if I started writing it, and then stopped halfway though because I saw someone else wrote a book, and decided they were better? That's fear.

But what if I wrote the book. And maybe it did suck, lol? Do I throw my arms up and announce that I'm a failure, and I'm done? Maybe. But, did I live, and learn? For sure.

And who wins there? YOU. AND YOUR LIFE.

The only reason I've had mild success with my coaching business is because I'm obsessed with the growth that comes with it, and it's because of the many (like, many) failures I've experienced in the past two years, that I'm no longer fearful. And that's what I've become so passionate about passing on.

So -- I hope that you try new things. Do something different. Get to know yourself and stop asking for everyone elses permission, and start listening to your heart. Learn how to trust yourself and stop throwing yourself into situations and places where you don't belong. A good friend of mine taught me that one. She's always talking about how we try to run ourselves up these walls to get where we think we're supposed to be going. But if something is really hard, and you keep falling -- like, flat on your face. Don't keep doing it, just in the name of beating failure. Change direction, and you'll find your way.

Scale your success. If you've failed, you're on the right path.

xx.

1 comment:

  1. Wow love this! And so happy that you will be writing regularly again :) I've missed it!

    ReplyDelete

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